taking pleasure in playing the melancholic mistress
07 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
I love playing my guitar. I love singing. I do this mostly for myself. Narcissistic as this will sound, I love listening to myself sing, more for the interesting stream of unconsciousness that comes out. It reveals and makes me face the fact that there is an uglier side to me that I won’t admit to. That is, I am quite dark, self-loathing and full of angst. I guess I can safely say that I wasn’t exactly brought up with roses and sing-alongs. I just remember the image of having to pull myself up from digging my own grave all my youth (I consider myself quite old now). Well, here I am. I am me. I like me, sometimes I hate me but I wouldn’t change me.
I recorded a song today that I felt was very representative of a part of me. I was feeling angry, perhaps because this morning I felt I couldn’t breathe due to the pollution. I get highly irritable if my air is polluted because funnily enough, I like to breathe, not just because I evidently need to. I dread to think of how empty life would be if I wasn’t able to sigh deeply when I’m near an idiot, blow raspberries at other people’s hideous looking babies, tut at strangers who push pass me, make a ‘fffffffffffff….’ noise whilst I bite my bottom lip and blowing hair off my face as I tune my guitar. I need clean air to do all these things. Not just to…you know, stay alive and all that.
I’m usually good at channeling my frustrations in one shape or form, such as this blog for instance…this time I decided to sing about it. I picked up my guitar, strummed a few chords I liked and then sang the first thing that came into my head. What came out was pretty cool, I must have been reminded of a past relationship that once made me this irritable. Perhaps I sing and write too many songs about rubbish relationships? Or maybe it’s because I know a lot of people can relate to it? We’ve all been there. Abusive and unhealthy relationships where we feel trapped and just want to ATTACK. Humanity has this unique quality where self-destruction or self-deprecation can be an attractive quality. I blame my own on my parents feeding me McDonald’s for over 6 years. Still, I had the biggest collection of the coolest toys that came with the endless amounts of Happy Meals.
Listening to The Kills album and I really love it. It reminds me of an angry PJ Harvey with the energetic urban sounds of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Two of my favourite artists and I love artists with guts. The Kills oozes guts. The Kills would cut their own belly open, pull out their intestines and tie them around their necks. (eugh!) That’s how gutsy they are!
So, as you can see, my singing style is quite rocky and melancholic. I’m actually happiest when I am in this element. Does that make me a masochist? I don’t enjoy pain or being upset but I love to take the mickey out of it. As The Kills says, make a mockery out of your fears.
Anyway, this is a rubbish plug for my latest new song by myself. I’m writing the lyrics and music to the song as we speak since this was another brain fart. It’s how I prefer to write songs these days and I never expect them to be anything more than sub-standard. But some weirdos out there like them, and I thank those people for that. Thank you and stay weird.
Here is the song. Enjoy.
