my intolerance for bullsh&t

28 Aug 2011 1 Comment

by chunga in Dating, England, English, General, Health, Life, London, Love, Men, people, relationships, Romance

I’m usually quite a laid-back kind of person but sometimes, some people can really get on my tits! I get inner rage and it’s not a flame that would flicker during a boy band video from the early 90′s, it’s the kind that comes out of an angry dragon of which you’ve been kicking the hell out of. I do very well to keep it all under wraps and when I feel like I need to erupt, I usually vent out on my guitar, on my blog or to some poor person on messenger for about 30 minutes (thanks guys, really appreciate it! ;o) ).

I’m sure that most of you know exactly what I’m talking about here. Little things which in reality isn’t that big a deal, suddenly becomes a really BIG FLIPPING deal! Sometimes you’re angry for no reason and you may find yourself stopping and thinking – why?  Usually, there is no valid reason.

With this said, I have a list of things that I just need to get off my chest. They’re the uglier sides of me that you may or may not know/like/dislike. I’m far from perfect. Aside from the lovely, friendly, bubbly, fun, nutty and caring person you may know, I also have a few hideous things about me. So here it is, I’m going to lay down the law and put my dysfunctional beliefs and antisocial personality disorders on a plate for you – chew well.

1. I can be very childish. I’m sorry if this irritates you and make you wish that I’d ‘grow up’. I actually like the inner child in me and yes, I like to say and do stupid things. If you’d like a more convenient relationship, please boringly fart somewhere else.
2. I’ve inherited my paranoia, bluntness and intolerance for bullsh&t from my father.
3. I hate having food in my bed, especially breadcrumbs. Tea is OK. Toast, NO!
4. Don’t think just because I’m a woman,  I can’t hold two bags of shopping after I’ve carried them for about 10 minutes before you offered. Women are not weak and useless. We can punch, kick, bite and we can certainly carry heavy bags.
5. I have a lads’ sense of humour. I’m not really girly but not butch either. I love dresses but hate shopping; I enjoy watching Top Gear but love baking cakes; I like films like X-Men and Anchorman but I also enjoy Rom Coms; I play computer games and I love fixing things in the house. So don’t you DARE stereotype me!
6. I can be very vulgar – I think toilet humour is funny. So what if this is a lower form of intelligence – do I look like I care? I’m not asking for your approval, I’m trying to make you laugh you miserable armpit!
7. Why should I have to apologise to people because they’re not intelligent enough to disassociate turd from chocolate when eating?
8. Why do people in this country wash dishes in the same dirty dish water and leave the bubbles on whilst drying on the rack? That’s disgusting. Would you poop, piss and then bathe in the same water?
9. I set my expectations incredibly high. Most people never fail to disappoint.
10. You can spend weeks, months or years in love, but it only takes a few seconds to completely destroy it.
11. I get jealous and green with envy just like any other woman who gives a damn. Deal with it.
12. I find middle-class snobs or those with a superiority complex incredibly dislikeable. You’re a charlatan who needs to stop fingering your own arse. Occasionally I get my finger stuck up there too, but it’s no way near as sore as yours.
13. I have neither the time nor patience for time wasters. Tell me what you want, don’t let the words dribble out of your mouth for you to only wrap it up in pretty flowers and ribbons. In my English Literature class I wasted 12 months of my youth learning how to read between the lines of a very dull book. I then ceremonially burnt that book. Don’t make me repeat that ever again.
14. People who repeat the same thing but say it in a different way because they can seek my reassurance are tiring. It’s not me who you should be convincing about your reasons for your dirty deeds…
15. I like to spend an inexplicably long period of time on playground swings. Leave me alone here. I’m not bored, I don’t need to be entertained and no, I don’t want your beer stinking jacket.
16. Sometimes I like to self-deprecate and put myself down because it forces me to be a better person. If I thought I was brilliant all the time, I would be a really awful human being.
17. What do I look for in a soul-mate? Someone who doesn’t end up being a massive disappointment for once.
18. I’ll always think I look fat in everything no matter what you say and what the scales tell me. It’s engraved into my brain, like it is for most women. FACT.